Saturday, August 23, 2008

Blog Hype

Wanting to remain true to my core beliefs and the heart of why I write (not how or what I write) I found myself vacillating between pure hype and random entertainment. Since hype and entertainment are not always mutually exclusive, I feel it is my duty to give fair-market value for what you see on the site "When Ugly Was In."

Our code of conduct is simple: We will not con, beg, or manipulate you to view our blog. Will will not promote products that we would not, or have not used ourselves. We will not strain your eyes and cause your head to ache from the unsightly glare of neon banner ads. Nor will we instruct you to do things we know nothing about. We will not ask you to remove the hard-drive from your computer, or suggest you run it through your local Car Wash. We will not confuse you, tease you, insult you or tell you to scream in the Wal-Mart parking lot for 2 hours. We will not tell you to take a gun and rob an elected official. We will not give you the cure to athlete's foot, Internet Dating, Copy Cat Bloggers, or stubborn Malware. We will not make phony claims or try to appear perfect and/or intelligent by lecturing you about WHAT YOU NEED TO DO Ala Dr. Phil style. But what we will do is try to inform, entertain, and hopefully enlighten you in some small way. That is our mission and though far from accomplished, it is the thing we aim to do. For if we can do that from this tiny blog spot, we know that you know, we have done a very good thing.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

We write because we Blog or We Blog because We write

I am constantly amazed that so many talented writers are able to co-exist in the Blogosphere. Unfortunately, many of these burgeoning novelists, poets, and essayists have become lost in the technological sea of many. After a brief discussion with a group of fellow writers, we've come to the conclusion that the publishing industry is in dire need of a 9-11 makeover.

Had it been up to the mainstream publishing industry, we would not have seen the likes of such successful authors, e.g. J.K. Rowling of the Harry Potter series, whose manuscript was tossed onto a "reject" pile. After an editor's assistant began reading it, she convinced her boss and other colleagues of Ms. Rowling's talent. The "rest" as it is often said, "history".

Writing is a soulful exercise, and done best when the truth is told, no matter how painful it is to the writer or reader. The drama coach at my high school once referred to writing as "sweet agony". An English teacher later said, "the best writers are merely self-conscious actors". I have learned in life, everything we do...whatever it may be, is just an acting job. We all play minor parts in the movie that is our life. Whatever we magnify, good or bad, comes back to us in Dolby stereo. The world outside of us is a reflection of the world inside of us. So let me see it. Just a peek. I promise not to tell a soul. Besides. I think you are as beautiful as yellow snow on a hot summer's day.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Comedy Writing

I once heard a stand-up comedian (perhaps every comedian who's ever made it big) say that NOBODY can be truly funny without tragedy, personal foibles, and a non-existent self-esteem. When people laugh at us (the sad clowns that we are) what a power surge it is to our grim little psyche! The ability to make people laugh is far more physically and emotionally gratifying than a high colonic, winning POWERBALL, and waking up to a naked ape.

All people are not funny. Some are just ironic. Others sarcastic. And there are people who insist they can make you laugh by telling "jokes" that barely deserve a polite simper. Of course we can extend this observation to stand-up comics who can only resort to using "EXPLETIVE/DELETE" WORDS at the end of every sentence. That isn't funny. That's 4th grade. So thank you for allowing me to stand-up on my soap box, future comedy writers. I must be on my way. 5th grade is calling, and if I don't register for classes soon, 4th grade will be put on my permanent record. Again.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

14 Long Days

I've been hiding in a virtual writing cave incommunicado since August 4th, 2008. I received two emails from literary agents who indicated they were either "too busy" or "not a match" to consider my current novel. With nothing too lose but sweat equity, stiff wrists, and finger cramps, I decided to "revamp" several chapters. Wow. I'm absolutely enthralled with the direction my novel has taken with a few minor tweaks!

After locating a reputable "Indie Publisher," I was encouraged to learn the Editor is currently seeking satire/humor twists! The rejection slips gave me the impetus to do some serious editorial work. My belief, is that one closed door gives me ample time to find another that is partially open. During my reprieve, I took a moment to reflect. I listened to a podcast by the imminently wealthy author Jack Cantfield. He was rejected by 144 publishers and agents before he landed a deal with the National Enquirer. Now he's the best selling author of the Chicken Soup for The Soul series with a MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS! Talk about a Cash Cow!

Monday, August 4, 2008


Does it seem we (The Blogging Community) are living in a world of make believe? I mean, how many pictures of cats, kids, dogs, ferrets and iguanas can we look at? "Art-work" from photo-shop are becoming increasingly cartoonish and neither interesting or funny. Have we become over saturated, and over marketed to? So jaded, are we numb to view points that don't include a sliding picture show? Does anybody in cyberspace appreciate the gifts of the human spirit? Creativity, ingenuity, talent. Are such characteristics part of a dying breed? Questions easily asked; rarely answered. But take heart my fellow Blogger(s) the world we make on the web is patently our own. Until the next global gadget comes along, don't forget to keep those chain emails coming. Apparently, that's all we live for.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Self-aggrandizing literary agents!

I'm often amazed at how many literary agents tout their writing credentials. After contacting an agent who is really smitten with herself, I decided to visit her blog on a fairly regular basis. What a disappointment. Not only is she NOT SNARKY, her advice to would-be writers is inconsistent, condescending, and appallingly conventional. She blames public demand and the publishing industry for her inability to crawl out of her comfort zone. Fromulaic fiction is her specialty. What everybody else is doing is what gets her up in the morning. Creativity? Pishposh. Humor/Satire? What's that? Boring? Well, let her be the judge. She seems to have the corner on that part of the literary market.

Will All the People Who Hate to Laugh, Please Stop Laughing!

Does anybody think Saturday Night Live is funny anymore? I watched last night's episode, didn't laugh, guffaw, chortle, or cackle; not once. Their skits aren't funny. Granted. I'm not exactly a barrel of under-ripe apples, either. But honestly. What are they doing? What are they not doing? Comedy writing is tough. If it were easy, stand-up comedians would be funnier. And the writers strike would still be going on. As you can probably tell, I'm not in a funny mood today. Who can blame me, after that pathetic excuse for entertainment called SNL. Your thoughts?

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Will All The People Who Hate to Laugh, Please Stop Laughing!

Ok. I did something really stupid. I deleted my first post and it can't be recovered. So what have I learned? Not much unfortunately. But I do know this: never, ever delete anything! No matter how many corrupted files and folders your overworked hard drive is trying to archive, NEVER DELETE ANYTHING until your computer walks away under its own power. Thank you for listening. Party On.